Being single: “A person should not be called ‘disturbed’ if they are unmarried” – Times of India

Suchismita Chhatraraj is a 31 year old, happily unmarried woman. She’s that ’90s child, “an old soul looking for an emotional connection” in today’s digitized world, where she believes there is no room for platonic love or feelings. We asked her about her struggle with being single in an era and country where you’re still judged as “settled” if you’re married with kids by your late 20s and here’s what she did with us. has shared.

Do you get angry when people ask you why you are single?

Honestly, it isn’t. When you’re single as an adult, people start talking and that’s perfectly fine. You can’t stop people from talking or asking questions, and if you can’t stop something, you must learn not to get upset about it. This is the best way to maintain your sanity. I like to smile at people who ask me questions that invade my personal space. This is very childish in them.

Why do you think loneliness is so questioned?

Well, ideally we as a society move to the extent that being single is perfectly acceptable and that question isn’t inherently weird, but we’re not there yet, and we probably have to go through climate change and stuff before. Attention should be paid to And then you know that as human beings it’s easier for us to examine the lives of others than to focus on our own business. All these stereotypes are driven by pressure to conform to long-standing societal standards: find the ideal partner, shared home, children and a person who has gathered all the ingredients needed for a happy life. And single shaming comes from many sources beyond mindless relatives and friends.

Governments play a role by providing various benefits to legally married people, which single people cannot take advantage of. Some believe it sends a message about the “right way” to go about life, which serves as positive reinforcement for those with involvement and does not internalize the idea for singles. It’s so hard to do that they’re doing adulthood wrong.

What are some of the weirdest, funniest questions you’ve been asked about being single?

Haha, people understand such negative prejudices about people who don’t participate. They feel that we should be sad and lonely because of not having a partner. We are actively looking for one but have yet to find a match or there is something wrong with us that is causing us to end up alone. I have also been advised to settle with those who are not eligible and settle down as per their idea of ​​settling down. But what hurts me the most is the society’s perception of my parents not marrying me to live on my earnings. Huh! At least leave them alone, they have done everything to make me who I am today, independent and a great decision maker.

Have past relationship experiences played a role in making you choose loneliness? What made you realize or decide that you no longer want a partner?

I am not against the idea of ​​getting married, in fact marriage is a heavenly bond if married to the right partner and well taken care of. But marriage should not be coercive or the “ideal marriageable age”. A person should not be called “unsettled” if they are unmarried, I mean one should take the literal meaning of first settling down.

My past relationships haven’t really played a role in me choosing to be single, but the current idea of ​​being in a relationship that’s mostly about being limited to nightly hook ups or swipes has brought me to this decision. In the current era of digitization, there is no place for platonic love or feelings. People have so many choices that they don’t want to put in the effort to make a relationship work. But unfortunately, I’m a ’90s kid: an old soul looking for an emotional connection with an old heart that feels like history in the current age of speed.

Any piece of advice for women and men who are contemplating loneliness…

In recent years, social media influencers and traditional figures alike have spoken proudly about their single status. Self-partnering is now encouraging others to view their lack of a romantic partner as a positive, not a negative. The more you accept your status as a person, I think the more free you feel to do so. It is your life and when you start living it according to the advice of others, you are letting them control your life and that will be the worst thing for you. So celebrate your status – every journey is different and we will all reach the point we are made for.

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