Do you get angry when people ask why you are single?
I’m over that age and I hate what people say or ask me about things that are completely mine. But yes, it would bother me in the beginning and I couldn’t help it.
Why do you think loneliness is so questioned?
This happens not only with women but also with men so I can’t say that only single women are questioned. Yes, the level of questions can vary, harsh towards women, especially in our country which has a strong patriarchal structure. Men cannot stand the fact that women can be happy without men and thus questions arise. Your parents may also mask this as a concern for you that you will become lonely as you age, but the truth is that they too have been brought up in a society where the man makes the decisions and the woman obeys, Rather, it is made to be followed. So the question of a woman getting rich on her own… No!
What are the weirdest, funniest questions you’ve asked about being single?
This was years ago, but this young man who was interested in me at the time asked me once. He was 10 years younger than me and I didn’t feel anything for him. I rejected him and then the hard ego came out which told him that “you are mono-sexual and free to be with anyone who wants to be with you and I feel sorry for you”. It made me realize that some men can be really stupid and that I don’t need a permanent person in my life.
What strength do you find in the power of being single?
I am very happy from the bottom of my heart. I can’t even remember the last time I took any kind of stress. Yes, I think about my taxation, electricity bill, water etc and of course prepare lectures for my students but that’s it. My parents passed away 4 years back and after that my roots do not stay with this city. I have a long-term plan and because I’m independent, I’m going to live it until my time comes quickly. Loneliness never comes because I have some wonderful single friends.
Have past relationship experiences played a role in making you choose loneliness? What made you realize or decide that you no longer want a partner?
Yes actually. When I was in my early 20s I was beaten by my true love. I wanted to get married, he didn’t but I lost him chasing this question many times. I left that and pursued my PhD and never looked back. My parents were very supportive and that is very important. I wanted to adopt a child and become a single mother but later the craziness of raising a child scared me. Slowly I got used to my independence and then I joined book clubs, travel groups, spirituality and I found another purpose of my life.
Some pieces of advice for women and men who are contemplating loneliness, trying not to succumb to the pressures of “society.”
Once you know what you want, don’t let anyone drag you down. Nothing matters in your lifetime except your own happiness.
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