Thin people will no longer take themselves lightly. , Photo credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto
AnnI know one person goes up to an obese person and says, “Hey, you need to eat less.” But a lot of people come straight up to me and say, “Hey, you need to eat more.”
Yes, I am a skinny person. Yet, in spite of my skeletal-like appearance, I am very well nourished; Otherwise my brain would not have been sufficiently developed to come up with the following response at a recent family wedding.
Annoyed uncle: “You see! Why are you so skinny?”
Me: “Actually you are skinny. Because your skin is more than mine. Because it has to cover your big muscular big fat body. (Well, I was too polite to say it out loud; but even thinking about this smart comeback made me feel better.)
My inherited skinny genes allowed me to wear skinny jeans through college, but it caused my low-income aunts in my family to constantly worry, “Who will marry such a skinny girl?”
However, despite being tall and slim, a career as an international supermodel was not destined for me. (Twiggy, an extremely thin British model, was popular around the world in the late 60s, remember?) I had decided that I would write for a living, although I had been warned that artists and writers rarely made money, and might… starve to death early like Oscar Wilde and Edgar Allan Poe. Even my favorite Edward Lear died unmarried, ill and alone – despite having made millions laugh with his poems. Was it being a girl like me that inspired him to write this hilarious limerick? there was a young girl from orlean
who became so unusually thin
and flat and narrow
his back reaches his chest
And sideways, she was not visible.
Meanwhile, I made plans for my writing future. I’ll compensate for my sadness with dark humor. I will use sarcasm as my weapon of destruction! I will take revenge on those cousins who made fun of my thinness. “I’ll put you in one of my stories, and kill you in the end!”
I hatched my evil plan to gain worldwide fame.
Well, to cut a long story short, nothing that dramatic happened. I became a writer, yes. I became famous, although only in my apartment building. My pay check stayed slim, not unlike me. But I’ve decided to help other weight-challenged sufferers suffering from rude people—who stop at nothing to hurl the same old stupid things at us obstinate people. So dear skinny people reading this, here is a set of quick fallbacks as soon as you encounter these cliched comments:
“One of these days you will disappear…”
“Actually I’ll just disappear. I cannot tolerate your boring presence even for a second.
“Look how thin you have become…”
“Sure. Do you have a pocket mirror? However, you need a wall-sized gym mirror to see your perfect giant persona.
“You haven’t changed a bit since school!”
“I’ve definitely changed. I will not wear my uniform anymore. But you must be changing clothes all the time, because you must be a tripleXL now?”
“Oh dear! You have lost weight again. What happened?”
“Yes, I have lost weight. But where did you find it? You seem to have gained everything that I had lost.
We skinny people won’t take ourselves lightly anymore.
indubee8@yahoo.co.in