Evil by design, rain of calamities

I Was taking one of those budget airline flights where everything except your seat had to be bought at a price. Even seats with more legroom and elbow space and viewing cost extra and needless to say, even sandwiches have to be pre-booked.

I was on such a flight and my sandwiches arrived as ordered. Nowadays, spices come in small packets and have a small mark on them, which is only seen by a microscope, to show where to tear. The ketchup packet was so stubborn and I called in all my strength to tame the ruffian and the result was horrifying. I had red chutney all around on my plate and in the process of tearing it, my elbow came into contact with the lady sitting next to me. An icy “Excuse me, what are you doing?” Forced me to apologize and make a quick prayer.

I dropped everything about the food and sat down like a statue with my arms folded out in front. One time I tried to look over my shoulder, but a cold gaze scared me until I descended.

Soon I was in the hotel lobby waiting for the check-in process to complete. I thought I would quench my thirst and reached for the bottle of mineral water kept nearby.

These bottles are the “twist and open” type, and no one ever thought of the poor customer as it was completely filled and as soon as I managed to take a throttle and twist, the water spilled and onto my trousers. Landed and a big wet spot appeared on my beige trousers, where a gentleman would not like to show wet patches!

“Sir, please sign here,” shouted the receptionist, but I was too embarrassed to get up with my position. Being quick-witted, I took off my shirt and covered my “wet spot” and he took a curious look at the senior citizen.

Keys embellished with the name of the hotel are long gone and instead you are given a smart card to swipe to enter. Due to the slow reflex, I found it difficult to swivel and turn the knob and stood there. Finally, a guy with a laundry cart helped.

Now that I was single, I decided to make coffee and again had a series of packets to deal with. The automatic kettle wasn’t working until I realized someone had to plug it in and press the button. The coffee powder was distributed fairly efficiently, but the milk was not – just the tubular whitener and that was a big challenge. The first one burst when pulled and the table was splattered like a deer skin so I decided to use my engineering mind and my nail cutter with built-in tiny scissors to open the last one surgically. I took good at my simplicity but was still facing problems.

I was always wary of new contraptions like bathroom and shower mixers and sensors. Shampoo bottles always fall from above while taking a bath. Bottle caps work in a mysterious way and I end up with too much shampoo for a frizzy head.

There was TV and set box and no amount of pressing and playing was anything productive. Called reception to solve the mystery and then couldn’t find the right switch to turn off the lights. Either the room was dark or when the card was inserted night turned into day.

But I managed to survive the trip and now take more precautions before heading out.

Gopalpayur@gmail.com