I told you so

If The saddest phrase is “what could have happened”, the second saddest is “I told you so”. They hit you when you’re down, with a lot of finger twitching and expressions of disapproval. There you are, kicking yourself and cursing your luck, when the person whose words of advice you ignored comes to sprinkle salt on your wounds, as you were told.

I’ve been skeptical about counselors ever since I heard that Eve followed the serpent’s advice. What a hefty price we are all paying for an apple! Since then, consultants have grown, multiplied and expanded the scope of their services. For example, whenever I am faced with life’s big, small or medium dilemmas, I turn to unwanted advice. Those forces—who also step in to guide me on how to dress, pronounce, destiny, and why dhokla makes a better breakfast than dahi-wada.

Do not get me wrong. Overall, mentors are good people – well-meaning and understanding. But they are proud of their source of knowledge, and they rate it much higher than the market. So when you violate their advice, you not only disagree with them, but tend to view their ambitions as philosophical and guiding. Hell knows there is no fury like a woman, but a mentor will unheeded and take her to him.

As things stand, it is easier to give than to receive advice. Do a head count, and you’ll find that there are a lot more mentors out there than “advised”. Many of us follow the classic example of Oscar Wilde who said, “The only thing to do with good advice is to take it forward. That in itself is never of any use.” It would certainly be more useful if verbs spoke as loudly as words – but they rarely do. Let’s say, you approach a friendly neighborhood counselor for money. He will talk to you in detail about the need for financial planning and remind you that if you had taken the recommended SIP months back, you would not have gone into this hole. Great advice, but you’re not going to get even a rupee.

You don’t need much skill or experience to mentor others. There are disgruntled souls in every workplace who claim they can do a far better job than management. As far as cricket is concerned, we have a billion experts providing expertise to the captain, batsman, bowler and player of twelfth independently. Back at home, no family is complete without a gray reputation that guides you on the career path you should choose and the life partner you should choose.

The big question then is whether to strike on my own or follow directions and go about life the same way good motorists follow GPS. But if you follow your heart and things go wrong, you miss the chance to blame someone else.

In the free words of Pablo Neruda, “You begin to die slowly … if you don’t follow the dream, if you don’t allow yourself to run away from wise counsel at least once in your lifetime.”

jairam.menon@gmail.com