I too had many urges, because who can resist temptations! But things took an unexpected turn for me as I felt more physically attracted not to my soon-to-be husband but to his cousin.
Ever since my husband and his family came to visit me, I got a glimpse of his cousin, who is everything I want in a man. He is soft, strong and soft spoken yet firm. My husband has a certain roughness that I’ve never really appreciated, but I honestly wanted my marriage to be fixed with his cousin, not him. I tried several times to tell my parents how I wanted to be the cousin’s wife, not his, but my parents shamed me for doing absurd things. His cousin was two years younger than me, and it eliminated any chances I had with him.
I could feel his eyes on me at certain times, and the stare would burn my skin which I controlled every time. I betrayed my feelings into thinking I was attracted to my husband and not his cousin, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Maybe, I had to live my life that way, because somehow, there was almost no point in my life.
Our wedding day came early. My husband seemed very eager to marry me. I thought of contacting him once about this but my parents warned me that he is a hot minded person and that matters will get worse. I was excited for marriage but not for my marriage. But no matter how well I liked his cousin, I had to leave him behind. On the wedding day, after getting ready, I needed some alone time for myself. I knew how difficult this was going to be. Then my husband’s cousin came to my room.
He looked at me passionately, but I reminded him that he shouldn’t be in my room. We both looked at each other and then patted each other’s lips. I didn’t care about my makeup as it was smudge-proof, so I had nothing to worry about. We thrashed fiercely and his hands kept swirling all over my body. My body was burning with desire. I looked at her, and she suggested that I was still a virgin. He looked shocked but he quickly masked it, and made his way into my lehenga. And then, with one last look, he made love to me. It was painful but bitter. I loved every moment of it.
Surprisingly, I didn’t feel guilty because I knew we would never talk to anyone about this. And after my marriage, I will be devoted to my husband and till date I have. But with those few moments of enthusiasm for which I had feelings, nothing could compare. I knew it was terribly wrong with us, but who are we to go against our wishes?
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