Love Capsule: I lost my virginity on my wedding day but not my husband – Times of India

I have always believed in saving myself for my wedding night, for my husband. It’s the thrill of finally giving yourself to the person you’re intended for, that gets my adrenaline pumping. Do not get me wrong; I hold nothing against people who choose to have sex before marriage.

I too had many urges, because who can resist temptations! But things took an unexpected turn for me as I felt more physically attracted not to my soon-to-be husband but to his cousin.

Ever since my husband and his family came to visit me, I got a glimpse of his cousin, who is everything I want in a man. He is soft, strong and soft spoken yet firm. My husband has a certain roughness that I’ve never really appreciated, but I honestly wanted my marriage to be fixed with his cousin, not him. I tried several times to tell my parents how I wanted to be the cousin’s wife, not his, but my parents shamed me for doing absurd things. His cousin was two years younger than me, and it eliminated any chances I had with him.

I could feel his eyes on me at certain times, and the stare would burn my skin which I controlled every time. I betrayed my feelings into thinking I was attracted to my husband and not his cousin, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Maybe, I had to live my life that way, because somehow, there was almost no point in my life.

Our wedding day came early. My husband seemed very eager to marry me. I thought of contacting him once about this but my parents warned me that he is a hot minded person and that matters will get worse. I was excited for marriage but not for my marriage. But no matter how well I liked his cousin, I had to leave him behind. On the wedding day, after getting ready, I needed some alone time for myself. I knew how difficult this was going to be. Then my husband’s cousin came to my room.

He looked at me passionately, but I reminded him that he shouldn’t be in my room. We both looked at each other and then patted each other’s lips. I didn’t care about my makeup as it was smudge-proof, so I had nothing to worry about. We thrashed fiercely and his hands kept swirling all over my body. My body was burning with desire. I looked at her, and she suggested that I was still a virgin. He looked shocked but he quickly masked it, and made his way into my lehenga. And then, with one last look, he made love to me. It was painful but bitter. I loved every moment of it.

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel guilty because I knew we would never talk to anyone about this. And after my marriage, I will be devoted to my husband and till date I have. But with those few moments of enthusiasm for which I had feelings, nothing could compare. I knew it was terribly wrong with us, but who are we to go against our wishes?

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