Illustration for The Hindu Weekend
| Photo Credit: Satheesh Vellinezhi
People, I did it. You can please congratulate me. This is big. Actually, big doesn’t even begin to describe it. This is bigger than that. No make that even bigger than bigger than that.
Last week, I passed the test. I climbed the mountain. I swam past sharks. Last week, in fact, I survived one more year of marriage. It wasn’t easy, mind you, there were many, many close moments, like when I forgot her brother’s name, or when I started wearing her clothes in public, but eventually, I got the ball over the line, and survived my 23rd year of marriage.
Let me now explain to 22% of our readers, who are unmarried. Marriage, to me, is like batting on the bouncy Perth wicket in Australia. You have to watch over the first few overs, and then it generally becomes easier for batting. However, as it gets easier, you must not get complacent, or you may lose your wicket.
So, what have we learned so far? We’ve learned, that marriage is very tough in the initial phase, then it starts getting easier, at which point you must guard against complacency, which may lead to disastrous consequences. In other words, in the sport of marriage, you must never ever relax. Always, be on your toes. Again, to borrow from cricket, ‘watch the ball, and play late, with soft hands’. That, of course, is only how I feel about the subject.
So, let’s get a less balanced view, by asking my wife to air her opinion on marriage. Here’s her account in her own words, I have not tried to embellish, or redevelop any of her words or thoughts, I’ve simply corrected 27 spelling mistakes and 14 grammatical errors that any three-year old would have spotted from 75 yards away.
‘Marriage’ to me is always and fundamentally about time spent. And by time spent, I mean the less time spent together, the greater the chance of success for the marriage. In fact, couples who grow old together, but separately, have the highest chance of a happy and fulfilling marriage. Case in point, Queen Elizabeth of England, and Prince Phillip, who, according to an unreliable news agency, spent less than 49 minutes together in their 73 years of marital bliss. Which reminds me that in the phase marital bliss, you have your answer. The trick is to focus more on the ‘bliss’, and less on the ‘marital’ aspect of the term in question.
No wonder my wife was often called the ‘Aristotle’ of Banjara Hills. (Please note this does not mean my wife has a long, white beard like Aristotle. At least, not the last time I checked).
I must admit my own family gave us a maximum of four years. Her family was not so sure, they put it at a maximum of two weekends. Well, who’s laughing now? Actually, they are, because they are not stuck in this marriage. Some fun facts. In political terms, we are older than the B.J.P. and the Congress. In international terms, our marriage is older than the independent country of Serbia, which was formed in 2006, making it only 18 running.
Time to thank the dear readers in advance for their good wishes and presents. Also, please while sending presents, please make sure you are GST compliant. Have a great year ahead!
The writer has dedicated his life to communism. Though only on weekends.