So should couples stay in a marriage because of their children no longer worth celebrating? The answer is complex as it depends on many factors including the preferences of the couple, the state of the marriage and the environment it is bringing to the children. As a Parenting Coach and Child and Family Counselor, I help people break their generational patterns, heal and repair relationships. But unfortunately some relationships are beyond repair and in that case my work is focused on helping couples find their strength and work together inside or outside their marriage so that the negative impact on children is minimized.
My work involves reminding partners, how much strife in their marriage, the toxic environment, sadness, sadness and Or the aggression in their homes set their children up for a difficult and imperfect life in the future. Most importantly, in order for the child’s physical safety and psychological well-being and to be able to make the right decision about leaving or staying, at least one parent (preferably both) has to do with their own intentions, not their own discord. And need to move on. See what it’s doing to their kids. If the emotional cup of a warring couple is empty or if the marriage involves verbal, physical abuse and Or irreconcilable differences, quitting would be the right call because in that case the child would not have the security they need to grow into well-adjusted people. Children learn from our examples of how we live our lives rather than what we preach. And so when a relationship turns toxic, it cannot be hidden from children, they will know and the growing research on this shows that they will tolerate the effects.
There has been a lot of research and attention focused on how divorce negatively impacts children. But what’s worth noting is that the findings also indicate that this negativity has its roots in the tension that marital conflict occurred before the divorce, or in the months and years before the divorce. Most of the advice that couples get about doing anything and everything for the sake of their children, even if it means living in an unhappy or toxic marriage. In my own experience, I have seen many more mental health problems in children who grow up in unhappy marriages. Discord and strife in the home sometimes harm children more than divorce. Why? Because it damages the parent-child bond the stress drains the parent’s energy and one or both parents become emotionally absent for the children. Children sometimes feel themselves responsible and blame themselves for the tension between the parents. Another reason why staying back in a high-level conflict marriage can be harmful is because it brings with it psychological and behavioral issues. Children living in conflict zones are more vulnerable to internal problems such as anxiety, depression, withdrawal etc. and external problems such as verbal or physical aggression, defiance and acting out. In addition, children who live in hostile unresolved conflict environments show poorer academic performance and interpersonal skills, lack conflict resolution skills, emotional insecurity, and are more likely to have trouble with their own romantic relationships in adolescence and later in life. Chances are. When children are offered stability by being together, they have the opportunity to develop the emotional skills to better deal with divorce, but only when the relationship repairs itself. But if it is an abusive marriage for a partner or children, then divorce is the only way out.
Even parents cannot live without love thinking that their sacrifice will save their children from the pain of divorce. Because the pain will come either way. It should be the right measure of how low it can be for children. So stay or leave is a personal decision that needs to be taken by a couple and should be done after weighing all the pros and cons which will give a better environment and future to the children which is not only financially secure but also emotionally There is also a safe place where a peaceful life is more important. Tension. When deciding the fate of marriage, the most important issue is whether the couple can mutually agree to leave behind their personal discord for the sake of the children. Unfortunately this isn’t always possible, but it’s worth exploring before making a final decision. If parenting can be done positively and the couple can put aside their personal differences for the sake of the children, there can be an advantage to living together. If not, an amicable divorce with co-parenting options for the children would be preferable.
Before contemplating divorce and letting yourself and your children endure the stress caused by divorce, it is imperative for couples to seek help through counseling and see if there is any possibility of repairing the relationship. Whether they are willing and able to rebuild their marriage for the sake of the children is an important question.
If you are grappling with this question, you are not alone and the decision is complicated because if your own identity is being compromised in living for the sake of the children, it is going to backfire again.
So what’s right for the kids – living in or leaving an unhappy marriage?
Be it or leave it, your child will feel it grown up.
Kids will feel jealous either way, so the first option I would always say as a parenting coach should be to make a sincere effort to mend the relationship rather than stay in conflict or leave because of conflict!
This article is written by Sakshi Singla, Child and Family Coach | Psychologist | Child Development and Parenting Specialist | Gender Equality Advocate and Coach