Hello, readers. I know, I know, that’s no way to start a column. It’s like making a phone call. Which, by the way, I hoped this column would evolve into. From a written column to a simple phone call. But the editor would have none of it. Her exact instructions to me are, “Try and write something that connects with the youth”.
Sadly, I have to ignore her instructions because I know nothing about underwear. Instead, I thought I’d go the other way, (I always go the other way according to my driving record), and talk to those aged over 50. All things being relative in countries where the average age of the population is higher, such as Japan, 50 is pretty much in the youth bracket.
After a lot of pontificating, and even more sleeping, I’ve come up with a list of job opportunities, some say career choices, that will give a person a fresh lease of life. Let me be clear, the science being very sketchy, it may not improve your health, but there is some data to say you will live a few minutes more. In the long run. In the final estimate. When your race is run. Looking back, that is, after you have passed on.
The first huge job opportunity is a ticket to the Rajya Sabha. What a nice step up in one’s career. For me, personally, this is an obvious option. And let me be extremely clear, I will accept a Rajya Sabha nomination from any party, any corner of India, irrespective of political ideology, manifesto, or party history.
As a young man, I always dreamt of living in New Delhi, in a palatial Bungalow, with 11 to 15 bodyguards, and permanent parking opportunities. A Rajya Sabha seat ticks all boxes. Plus, I can do so much good for Indian society by… er… doing… er… good, to be more specific. Icing on the cake? Wherever you go, people get up to give you their seat. Oh, except in the Lok Sabha, where everyone’s too busy holding on to their own seat. Yup, note it down, readers over 50 — put Rajya Sabha member, on your bucket list.
The other fantastic option for our age group is a time-tested profession, which momentarily gives you even more respect than a Rajya Sabha membership. When you enter your ‘space’, people look at you with awe, without blinking, often with tears of joy, followed by a selfie, then a group photograph; then one with their own mother or child, though rarely with both. Your name is always announced on a P.A. system, then glorious lies are fed into your introduction that Artificial Intelligence itself won’t be able to match. I talk, of course, of the professional chief guest.
Imagine being called to inaugurate a bridge, or the national games, or the Chess Olympiad. (A word of caution — start with something small, like a play area for tiny tots in your building, and then work your way to PAN India chief guest glory). Bear in mind, the chief guest community, unlike the Rajya Sabha, is a competitive and hostile one, so do please grow as a chief guest, but do not grow too fast.
Dear 50 plus, please don’t share this information with other 50-year-olds. Oh, and yes, to answer your question, you can aspire to be both, Rajya Sabha member as well as professional chief guest, simultaneously.
There is no better feeling than missing a parliament session, because you had to inaugurate a new wing of your State parliament building. Now excuse me, as I have to prepare for both.
The writer has dedicated his life to communism. Though only on weekends.