Parents are the primary caregivers for their children. Among the various relationships throughout a person’s life, the bond with their parents plays an important role in forming the basis for the rest of their lives. Parenting involves a great deal of dedication, sacrifice, patience, and patience. Because there is no right way to parent, many people make mistakes in one way or another. Rachna Muralidhar, Clinical Psychologist, Empower Centre, Bengaluru says that parents need to be aware and aware of their behavior which can be toxic and affect their children. She further discusses the toxic and non-toxic behavior of parenting with IANSlife.
Toxic behavior of parents:
* Critical treatment: When parents constantly criticize, overcorrect and try to mold their child based on excessive expectations, the effect can be detrimental to the child’s well-being. Self-doubt, lack of confidence and inability to draw boundaries are common tendencies among such children. The child feels inadequate because they cannot meet the relentless demands of their parents.
* Uncontrollable emotions: Parents who are unable to self-regulation, for example, prone to showing anger or deep sadness, are unknowingly teaching the child about acceptable forms of behavior. Excessive emotions are normalized in the child’s mind due to which they may adopt uncontrolled forms of behavior, making it difficult for them to adapt to the society.
* Oversharing: In a classic case of role reversal, sharing of feelings and responsibilities by the parent forces the child to adopt the role of parent at an early age. These situations lead them to become problem solvers, negotiators and caregivers. Because of their people-pleasing attitude and repression of their own needs, they often find themselves in abusive situations as adults.
* Frequent comparison: ‘Sharmaji’s son’ is a common phenomenon in Indian society. We have all seen instances where parents constantly compare their child to someone else. This could be a brother, cousin, neighbor or classmate. Self-doubt and resentment are common among such children, as they are never made to feel worthy.
*Breach of trust: When parents cross boundaries and spy on their children, major trust issues arise. Checking a child’s mobile phone, reading their diary and revealing secrets are examples of serious breach of trust. These children either grow up to be rebellious or may even become victims of bullying later in life.
Challenging situations facing parents: non-toxic ways to deal with it
* Peer pressure: Often when parents are faced with unhealthy behaviors, they over-react. Many times when children try to tell their parents about their problem, they may not be taken seriously. Judging, punishing and ‘I told you so’ behavior only pushes children away. Parents should create a safe space for children and listen without judgment. When parents are calm and empathetic, it helps children communicate with little hesitation. Share a set of rules and consequences while helping children understand unacceptable behaviors while maintaining trust.
* Gadgets/Mobile Addiction: Mobile addiction has become a common thing in this digital age. Obviously parents are concerned about its effects. However, resorting to intimidation and punishment will not be of much use. Parents are advised to have a consistent approach towards discipline. Children often become addicted to gadgets when they want to forget about the world around them. If a child is going through significant changes or difficult experiences, connect and help them deal with the situation.
* Working parents: Children need love, protection and guidance to grow up to be healthy adults. Common toxic behaviors associated with working parents include a lack of connection with their children, a lack of temperament and affection. Parents should invest quality time to build a meaningful relationship with their children. Encourage children to communicate and share their feelings. Consistent display of affection while disciplining by setting boundaries helps children understand expectations and feel loved at the same time.
Parenting can be a difficult task. There is no Bible or complete manual or training course that can make parents perfect. Being aware, compassionate, trustworthy and consistent are qualities that parents must imbibe in order to ensure a healthy childhood for their children.