Social norms can pose many barriers to young love. , Photo credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto
A couple sitting on a park bench is interrupted by a security guard. The guard grabs a stick and begins by saying, “I caught you sitting together, and you are not allowed to do this in a public place. It will spoil the atmosphere of the park.” The couple is asked to leave the park asap goes.
Such surveillance prompts me to ask whether these measures actually protect women. Is surveillance in everyday places and every moment really making things safer? Is it helpful to order women to uphold patriarchal norms and not allow an independent woman to take charge? How can we talk about safety and security when a patriarchal lens has shaped the norms? It is high time to think about how security and surveillance become normal as we move towards a “civilized” India.
love and law
I think there are many social norms in India which tell a person not how to love but how to be loved. There is stigma around interfaith marriage, same sex marriage and same sex love. Social restrictions based on religion, caste, class and gender are considered sacred norms of “civilized” Indian society. Entering into an arranged marriage is like getting a certificate of honor for being an ideal son or daughter.
If the restrictions on today’s youth continue like this, then we are sowing the seeds of suffocation, depression and unhappiness in their lives. We must ask whether it is wrong to have feelings, to like others and to express the same. And this leads to a more serious question: Why is the frequency of rape, violence, suicidal ideation and depression increasing among youth? Who is listening to their silent complaint?
Often, girls’ education is abruptly stopped and boys are beaten or killed for their choice in love. The tough question is, are we allowing the younger generation to introspect? Who defines the thin line between surveillance and the freedom and right of the individual to choose? Are the laws of the state and the rules of the society ruining innocent lives?
The answer is complicated because many of us come forward with our “parent’s ID-card”, thinking of learning from a bad experience. But my dear friend, do not use your experience as a test of truth, do not suffocate your child under your parenting. Don’t let norms and laws universalize experiences. Individuals differ—their feelings and emotions differ from those of their parents. Let the youth express themselves. Eradicate the social duality of good and evil because feelings and emotions are sacred and know no bounds. One can never control and tame them.
The aim here is not to romanticize attraction and lust between two people but to keep violence and anger out of their environment. A child is not harmed if he sees a couple hugging and caring for each other. But if they see couples shouting and fighting at each other, children get affected.
This is the time to normalize the loving atmosphere and not to supervise it. Such an environment teaches our young generation to live in peace, harmony and tolerance.
Violence breeds violence, but only love can take the place of violence.
nishthakumarisingh@gmail.com