With owning a pet comes responsibilities. One of them is to take away the defecation picker. , Photo Credit: Getty Images
People keep asking me why I don’t have a dog. Whenever I visit a friend who has a dog, I usually spend more time with the dog than with the friend. Dogs love me because thanks to my years as an Indian journalist, when they see me they see one of their own. When I interact with dogs, I find it easy to get down to their level. I never talk down to him or boss him down. No patronizing comments like ‘attaboy’, ‘sit’ or ‘where is the story’.
And yet, I’ve never had a dog. I have avoided keeping pets for the same reason a great man started the Swachh Bharat Abhiyan: the horror of open defecation. It’s simple: I don’t keep a pet because I can’t be bothered to clean up after it. I wish every aspiring (and incumbent) pet owner had that same level of common sense. One of the reasons why I regard the Swachh Bharat Abhiyan as a missed opportunity is that it forgot to include a campaign targeting dog owners.
In India, there are two types of dog owners: One – a microscopic minority – walks their dog with a leash in one hand and a poop scooper in the other. The second type, comprising the vast majority, defecates in the open by proxy. They take their dogs for a walk in the neighborhood every morning to defecate. Wherever they see a sidewalk longer than 80 cm that doesn’t have dog poop on it, they ask their pet to fill the gap.
disgusting behavior
I walk to Kattabomman’s school bus stop every morning, and by now, I’ve gained an in-depth knowledge of the size, quantity, and texture of feces excreted by the various dog breeds owned by bipeds in my area. I won’t bore you with the details, but did you know, for example, that a Pomeranian’s poo is more macho than an Alsatian’s? Or that the dalmatian’s poop isn’t as spotty at all as you’d expect?
This column is satirical on life and society
If you find all this Sunday morning excrement talk disgusting, I have one suggestion: Please reserve your disgust for all the noble souls who think it is beneath them to have their dog chased. Next time you see them calmly walking away after your dog has desecrated a public place, stop them and say, “Your behavior is disgusting.”
I myself missed the opportunity to do this last week. I was standing on the footpath outside my housing complex, waiting for a cab and generally going about my business when a large brown dog came running towards me. Attached to the dog by a leash, and lurking a few steps back, was a man in a large brown T-shirt.
The dog stopped two feet from where I was, looking me up and down, as if carefully assessing my suitability for a sensitive diplomatic assignment. After a brief hesitation, it came to a decision. It got down on its back legs, and started defecating furiously. To the dog’s credit—it was a Lab—it was a disciplined pile of poo, easy enough to collect with a poop scooper, and I expected a brown T-shirt to do it. Instead, both dog and owner began to move away.
usually delhi
“Hello sir,” I called after him. “Aren’t you going to take it? You can’t litter a public place like this.
“I have nothing with me,” he said.
“So you’re going to leave it like that?”
“I brought the dog outside the society,” he said. “What else do you want?”
That’s when I realized that he lives in the same complex as me. I hoped he wasn’t on some silly committee that might cause me problems.
“You think it is okay to pollute the street as long as the premises of your housing society is clean? You look like an educated person who loves his country. Is this road not a part of India? Is it part of a neighboring country that shall not be named? Being a pet owner also comes with its responsibilities. One of them is to carry a poop picker. If you can’t, don’t get a dog.”
“Wait,” he said. “Who do you think you are – to lecture me? Is this your father’s trail?”
This was the usual trick of bullying Delhi. very familiar. I stick to the original issue.
“Sir,” I said. “I’m sorry you can’t even buy a poop scooper.” Please share your full address, I will order it for you.
He was not enthused by my proposal. He cursed a few, turned and followed his dog as it dragged him away. By then my cab had arrived and I too left. But that pile of dog poop, rest assured, it’s still there.
The author of this satire is the editor of Social Affairs, Hindu ,
sampath.g@thehindu.co.in