sarcasm | Some measures to improve Agneepath to reduce the complaints against this great scheme

I have only two regrets in life: turning back a little while climbing Mount Everest; And not joining the military when young.

It is difficult for a hyper-nationalist patriot like me to digest not defending his country in Siachen. So my hopes were pinned on the waterway plan. But it sunk into government lethargy. Then I thought that I would be admitted when the Airway Plan was announced. But he never went. When I heard about the path of fireI thought finally I would get a chance to join forces and shoot momos of bad guys from across the border. Unfortunately, the upper age limit of Agneepath Scheme is 23. So once again, I had to dip and swallow my idli of anticipation in a swirl of despair Kashayam: Why desperation?

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But I’m not alone. Millions of young patriots feel the same way. Don’t get me wrong – I believe Agneepath is a great plan. But that doesn’t mean it can’t grow up, or be misunderstood. With Agneepath, both are true: it is misunderstood by youths misled by a weak but all-powerful opposition; And it can be improved.

Those opposing the current version of Agneepath have two complaints: benefits cannot be compared to ‘regular’ recruits of the olden days, and uncertainty about post-retrenchment employment.

I have some very humble suggestions that will solve both of these problems:

Lifetime free petrol, cooking oil and fresh vegetablesFirefighters are signing up to lay down their lives for the country, and in return, they won’t even get a pension. Therefore, it is appropriate that we give them some What could be better than a handy weapon of sorts, and a handy weapon to help the common man win in his eternal battle inflation, When that civilian comes to life and finds that he can easily buy petrol, the retired Agniveer will feel less like a sacrifice for not reaching the 25% that has been absorbed, cooking oil And even vegetables.

free IPL ticket for life: Cricket board has a lot of money after obscene amount made in media auction, This is the least it can do for our brave soldiers.

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private armyFirefighters returning to civilian life after a four-year term have the opportunity to apply their newly acquired skills outside the military. If corrupt bureaucrats can get jobs in private sector after retirement, why can’t honest firefighters? To ensure that they are hired, I propose three types of entities that should be allowed to increase their private militias by hiring laid-off firefighters:

Resident Welfare Association: In some ways, they are already mini-republics with a president, vice president, WhatsApp group, etc., and there’s no reason they can’t even have a standing army. They can easily afford them a comfortable salary and maintain a well-stocked arsenal. Sure, some of them may require a marginal increase in the quarterly maintenance fee, but they all do so somehow. If they fall short, they can increase the fine for wrong parking by 1,000-2,000%.

Horse-traders: imagine the amount of money horse dealer Would be saved if instead of blowing MLAs from one corner of the country to another, they could park them in one cowshed Protected by armed firefighters? A liter of cow urine costs a fraction of a bottle of malt. So, the savings on the beverage bills alone would be enormous. The only issue here is that the cows are already living cowshed Don’t object to sharing your living space with politicians.

This column is a satire on life and society

Crony Capitalists: rapidly changing Business Where decisions are made at the speed of thought, time is a luxury. Crony capitalists do not always have the bandwidth to go through the government whenever they urgently need armed force to carry out their mission statement. Therefore, encouraging them to raise their own personal army from retrenched firefighters would solve three problems at once: crony capitalist saves time and electoral bond payments; Agniveer gets a well-paying job in the corporate sector; government solves it Unemployment Problem!

I am sure that with these measures we can win the hearts of every youth who oppose the scheme. But there are others, especially from the so-called civil society, who are concerned about the ‘militarization of society’, given that there may be so many young ex-servicemen roaming around unemployed among us. I would urge him to focus on the bigger picture. When India is plagued by a zombie outbreak – which is inevitable, as we all know – we will need every trained military manpower we can lay our hands on. We must thank the government for its foresight in providing properly by sending thousands of former firefighters back to society every year.

India was completely unprepared for the coronavirus but thanks to Agneepath, when the zombie virus strikes, India will have more than enough firepower to deal with The Walking Dead.

The author of this satire is ‘The Hindu’, editor of social affairs.

sampath.g@thehindu.co.in