Tell us how did you meet your current partner?
We were in the middle of a lockdown in 2020 due to the pandemic and I started using Bumble since I was very bored. I was not interested in dating like this but I found Tusshar’s profile. I took the first step and we connected with the app. After a few days of text messages and good conversations, we met in real life, and that’s how it all began!
How do you know you’re ready to find a partner?
It was a gradual process for me. I married my previous partner, who died in an accident in 2015. I have two beautiful children with him. After nine years of marriage, I was eager to give dating a shot, be open to opportunities, and go on dates with people. But of course, initially, it was very difficult for me to start this journey as I had just lost my partner, and also I was trying something new after a very long time which made me very insecure. be felt. But that’s what happened.
What were your biggest concerns about online dating as a single mom? And how did you get over them?
The biggest concern was the intention and safety of the people. I didn’t want to waste my time and energy with random people I wasn’t connected to. So, it was very important for me to talk to him for a long time before meeting him. It helped me figure out whether the person was telling the truth to me, or whether it was even worth my time and energy.
How did you introduce your partner to your kids?
As for my kids, I’ve always stuck to one ground rule—not everyone you casually date needs to meet your kids. If you move past a certain, agreed-upon point in your relationship and you think your partner is ready to meet your kids, then you might consider introducing them. It is important that you feel secure enough to introduce your partner to your children. After dating for six months, I introduced Tusshar. The kids knew I was always messaging someone or on the phone with someone, so they kept asking me about it. I kept it very simple and after about six months, introduced her to my kids. He used to come home on weekends just to hang out, eat food and play board games with the kids. Slowly, we were all spending more time together because they hit it off really well.
What steps did you take to make sure your child didn’t feel neglected, but included when you started dating?
Okay, so first of all, before you even consider or start dating, it is very important that you talk to your kids and let them know that this is something you plan to do. You are planning to meet other people, you are planning to go on dates, some may be casual, some may be serious. But the truth is that no matter what happens, your kids will always come first. And their time will never be taken up by anyone else. So that confidence is something that parents need to instill in their child. I talked to my kids about everything after their father passed away. Also, I told them it was very likely that I would move on and find someone else. I dated other people before Tusshar, and they met my kids, but none worked out. Therefore, the important thing is to let your kids know that they are your priority, even if you are in the same room with your partner.
Having said that, there is also a point when you have to draw the line. If the child is misbehaving, or being rude, you need to talk to them separately and find out what is going on. But it is important for you and your potential partner to let them know that it is important to include them in decisions like moving the kids out or getting them to work together. These are small steps you can take to really make your kids feel comfortable.
Did your child welcome the idea of dating you? Or did they show resistance?
I was lucky enough in this case. My children lost their father when they were five and eight years old. From that young age, I have always spoken openly to them about what my plans are, what I want to do, what I want from life, and how I want to live it further. So for me, it became easier because I was open and honest in my communication with them. So she accepted Tusshar and now we are engaged. They knew that as long as the mother felt it was safe and the mother was happy, fine.
What obstacles or judgments do you face from society?
Indian society considers me a widow, so of course with that comes a lot of decisions. That I should live, breathe, eat, work and do everything just for my children. This society does not understand that no matter how young or old a person is, he or she needs support if they have lost a partner through death, divorce or separation. Instances where a single mother goes out late at night or a single mother leaves her children with her parents and travels for a few weeks are seen by society. I am single for the last seven years and I know what kind of judgment people subject you to, but I made sure it doesn’t affect me because at the end of the day I am able to support my parents. I take care of children. no one else.
What should single moms expect when joining a dating platform?
Honestly, not many Indian men understand the concept of a single mom dating or being on a dating app. It can be assumed that single moms are desperate. Having said that, there are still some good people out there who are educated, well-travelled, and open-minded who will understand the journey of a single parent. As a single parent, I think you have to decide how you want to add value to yourself and your children’s lives. I guess it’s your choice – if you want to date or not, but if you want to, give yourself a chance when you’re ready, don’t lose hope!
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